Stuck

What do I do when I am not sure what I should be doing?  I feel unhappy every day at my job.  Every day.  Without exception.  I don't know what makes me so unhappy.  I know that I hate the amount of students in my class.  I hate how gross the room is.  I hate that everything I put money or energy into is ultimately destroyed.  I hate that I feel alone and judged at the same time.  I hate that I no longer find the joy in teaching.  I'm miserable.  I shouldn't be a kindergarten teacher.  I shouldn't be the first experience with school that some of these kids have because I am terrified that I am ruining it for them.  I feel like I am not competitive but how can I not be when I felt like a natural and am now being blown out of the water by the teacher who is 10 years younger than me.  I just don't know what to do.  I feel like I need to leave the classroom but where do I go next?  What do I do when all my experience is in the classroom and I have no networking skills, advantages, or talents to get me into something else?  I'm definitely not doing well.

Sunday Social: travel edition!

OMG I love to travel. I just took a spur-of-the-moment day trip to NYC yesterday. I went to the Natural History Museum, which I highly recommend if you are a history buff or like getting lost in large buildings. I also saw The Lion King on broadway and went up to The Top of the Rock. It was ridiculously expensive, but the views were worth it.

I heart NY.


Earlier this summer I also traveled to the Outer Banks for the first time. LOVED it. It is beautiful, feels slightly remote, and not as touristy as places like Ocean City or Hilton Head. I thought I would spend all my time on the ocean side, but I actually fell in love with the sound side. It is so cool that you can walk out in the sound for like a mile and still barely get your stomach wet.

I heart OBX.


When I saw that the theme for this week's Sunday Social was travel, I got giddy. Right up my alley!


1. What is the best trip you've ever been on? Um, no. I can't answer this with just one place. Last year I went on my first trip to Europe. We went to southern Germany and all over Italy. I must say Germany was not my first choice and I was so excited for Italy. However, I really enjoyed Germany and parts of Italy I was so hot I couldn't get into it. But, I loved Tuscany...would go again in a heartbeat. Another favorite vacation spot was San Francisco. I went there for over two weeks and still don't think I saw everything I could have. It is an amazing place. Finally, I would never turn down the beach and I think OBX overturned Hilton Head as my fav beach spot.


2. What is your best idea for a girls weekend trip? I would love a girls weekend in NYC or the beach. I have gone on day trips to NYC with a friend and had so much fun...theater, shopping, museums, LOVE! And a weekend on a sunny, sandy beach? 'Nuff said.


3. What is your best idea for a couples trip? Never been on a couples trip. :( Recently I have been designing a fake trip to Hawaii. I think this would be a great couples trip. There seems like there is so much to do there!


4. What is the best vacation on the cheap? My family used to go camping every summer. This is a cheaper way to travel and still so much fun!


5. What is the place you most want to visit? Hawaii, as mentioned. London and Ireland are also on the Pinterest board. I also CAN NOT wait for my first trip to the Florida Keys this Christmas. Just bought the plane ticket. :)

The Countdown of Me!

Needing something to distract me...A LIST...perfect!


TEN of my favorite foods:
Pizza!
Potato chips!
Nachos!
Enchiladas!
Paneer!
Cheesy breadsticks!
Bagels!
Chocolate peanut butter ice cream!
Corn on the cob!
Chocolate-covered pretzels!


Can you tell I love food?


NINE of my all-time favorite movies:
Mean Girls
The Notebook
Speed (don't judge me)
Elf
27 Dresses
The Hangover
Pirates of the Caribbean
A Time to Kill
Step Up

EIGHT celebrities I'd Like to Marry:
Channing Tatum
Aaron Rodgers - life would be so much easier if he was a Steeler
James Marsden
Josh Elliott
Brody Jenner - I just wanna look at him all day
Matt Ryan
Ryan Clark - he makes me laugh
Mike Tomlin


SEVEN things I'm loving right now
Scarves
Twitter
My desire to be social
Books
Looking at beach rentals for this summer
Parmesan cheese
Stalking cute boys on Facebook


SIX places I'd like to visit someday:
Ireland
London
Alaska
Chicago
Greece
Thailand

FIVE games I played as a child:
Clue
Guess Who
Super Mario Bros
Cribbage
Battleship

FOUR things I'd rather never see again:
My family in grief
My student loan bill
A weather forecast of over 90 degrees with high humidity
Any video of me

THREE things I'd like to do this year:
Travel, as always
Fall in love
Pay off my car


TWO facts about me:
I am a lifelong vegetarian and no it is not because I am card-carrying PETA member. I hate the taste of meat.
I have never done a cartwheel. Never.

ONE meaning behind my blog name:
Henner is the name my Goddaughter Katie called me when she couldn't say Heather. :)

Sunday Social

Feeling sad lately...my mind has been focused and stuck on one thing and that one thing (OK, person) is obviously not feeling the same. Maybe a little Sunday Social will cheer me up?




1. What is your ideal way to relax? Hmmmm...my couch/bed, a good book, my own thoughts, and no worries...:)



2. Where is your favorite place to be? Hard question. It depends on my mood. Also, I fear that I may be one of those people who always wants to be where she is not. Here are some places that usually never disappoint me: the library, my childhood home, and near water.



3. Who do you consider your biggest role model? Not to be difficult but I'm going to pick a non-answer. I admire anymore who is working toward something, or has found something that makes them happy. I tend to elevate people in my mind and then I end up consumed by them (hence my opening statement) and I am trying hard not to do that. I am working on just admiring qualities, not people. Gosh, that sound cynical and it wasn't meant to be.



4. What does your life look like in 3 years? Wrong day to ask me this question because my heart and head are battling over my future. I would love to say that I will be happily married, living in a comfy home, and enjoying my life, but I fear that my life will be exactly the way it is now. And I don't mean to complain about my life. I have a wonderful life, but I would just like someone to share it with. There, I said it (sigh).



5. If you could go back and change one decision, what would it be? I had a conversation with a friend before about regrets. She couldn't understand how I didn't live with regrets. I tend to make my decisions and believe that what will be, will be. I don't see a reason for wondering "what if". That being said, you caught me in a weak moment and if I could do it all again, I would have asked the question that I wanted to ask to the man who has consumed my thoughts. Maybe it would be better if I just knew.



6. What is your biggest accomplishment in life thus far? I am proud of my independence. I also fear that it is an obstacle in my life but I'm able to be me and that's not something everyone can say.

Scavenger Hunt Sunday!

1. Sparkly

2. Door
I won the school door decorating contest!

3. Decorate

4. Stripes
One of the cutest kids ever and I LOVED her sweater, but she is a student so I had to ugly up her face. :(

5. A Few of my Favorite Things
Food. Just food.

Scavenger Hunt Sunday!

I took a day trip to New York City this week. It was my first time there in 20 years! And my first time for the holiday season. It was so beautiful and my I heart NYC obsession is in full effect. Most of my pictures came from this day trip (with one stolen from the archives).

1. Season

Rockefeller Center

2. Colorful

3. Weather
Not the best picture, but it was so pretty. And so cold. "I'm stuck in colder weather..."

4. Silhouette

5. Calm
World Trade Center Memorial: a place of great calm now.

It's OK Thursday (Friday edition)

It's OK...

...that I am, once again, writing this list on a Friday...

...that I took a personal day off to go to NYC. Really, it's OK.

...that I wasn't at school the following day due to a training.

...and I left early today to pick up a file. OK, maybe that one isn't OK...

...to have not bought one single Christmas present yet.

...to have carts filled with items to by for Christmas on several different websites.

...that I LOVED that my students were so happy to see me when I came to work today.

...to correct an adult who is trying to mess with the routines I have already set in place for my students. GRRR.

...to love NYC so much that I googled "teaching jobs in New York" on the bus ride back home.

...to have job jealousy of others.

...that it doesn't feel like Christmas unless I am home with my family.

...to eat mozzarella sticks and french fries for dinner.

From Somewhere in New Jersey

I'm on the Megabus from NYC to Baltimore.


Today was a "mental health day" for Heather. Does anyone else suffer from extreme guilt when taking a day off of work? I do. I feel guilty that its a day when my students are learning. I feel guilty that someone else in the building may be acting as my substitute because we are either too cheap or its too hard to get a real substitute. It shouldn't be that way. I should be able to use the personal day that I am given to use in any way I see fit. I had fun. It's been 20 years since I have been to New York and I've been wanting to go back that whole two decades. By the way, when did I get old enough to say "it's been 20 years since I did that"? But, back to the topic, I rarely take days off, and have never called out sick in my five years at this school. Even when I had walking pneumonia and passed out in the shower. I'm dedicated and responsible and I don't like feeling like or being treated as though I'm not. The sad thing is that I think I'm the one making me feel guilty. Had to get that off my chest.




Heather

Sunday Social

1. What is your favorite holiday season tradition?

I love the Christmas candle-light service at church. I've been to it at different churches and it is always beautiful and reverent. When the lights go down and the sanctuary is filled with tiny, flickering candles, and everyone is singing "Silent Night", that's when it feels like Christmas.

2. Do you have a certain holiday movie you watch more than others? What is it?

I mean, of course...

"SANTA!!! I KNOW HIM!!!"

3. Show us your favorite decoration or pinterest decoration you wish you could have.

4. Favorite holiday song?

Hard question! I guess I would pick "Oh Holy Night".

5. Favorite holiday dessert?

6. What is on your wish list this year?

Nothing really. I did agree that I need new pots and pans. I'm so old.

Scavenger Hunt Sunday!

1. Missing: Missing makes me think of my brother, whom I am always missing. But, I couldn't get to his resting place for a picture, I went to another. Chances are, someone was/is missing this person.

2. Numbers: Roman numerals- how fancy!

3. Purple: my favorite color.

My mom hates it when I take her picture.

4. Music: Shooting at an education rally- HARD WORK!

5. Bracelet: She may kill me if she fights out...

Sunday Social!

Look at me! TWO posts in one day! I'm like a real blogger!



1. Name 4 jobs you’ve had in your life: My first job was at a dry cleaners (I went swimming through plastic-covered clothes to find the right numbers). In college, I had an all-too-long-and-awful summer cleaning hotel rooms. I spent a few months sitting in front of a computer doing brainless tasks that a computer could do at a mortgage titling company (at least I think that's what it was...who the hell knows?). My first real job was as a Child Care Consultant, which sounds so fancy, but really just put a lot of miles on my car.

2. Name 4 movies you would watch over and over: Mean Girls, The Notebooks, Pirates of the Caribbean, Annie.

3. Name 4 places you have lived: Freedom, Pennsylvania (actually New Sewickley Township thankyouverymuch!); Ambridge, Pennsylvania; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; and Baltimore, Maryland

4. Name 4 of your favorite foods: PIZZA!! GRILLED CHEESE!! ENCHILADAS!! PASTA!!
I love food.

5. Name 4 things you always carry with you: iPhone, credit card, driver's license, chapstick

6. Name 4 places you have been on vacation: My favorites: Tuscany, Italy; San Francisco; New York City; Hilton Head

Scavenger Hunt Sunday!

1. Home or Thankful
It is the house that built me!

(Sometimes, I like to be artsy and I really have a
love affair going with macro and depth of field pictures.)

2. In the Kitchen
Sweet potato biscuits for Thanksgiving dinner!
I wanted more pictures in the kitchen but my mom
got mad because it was so messy in there. Haha!

3. Couple
My newest subject with my oldest friend.

4. Bubbles
Went back in the archives for this favorite of my other friend's daughter.

5. Trees
So trees are one of my favorite subjects...had to pick more than one...

Scavenger Hunt Sunday!

Usually I am not with it enough to participate in Scavenger Hunt Sunday, but yesterday I went out on a mini-adventure around Baltimore with my camera. When I looked at the items on the scavenger hunt, I was happy to see that I could make some of yesterday's photos fit right in! And, ok, one I had to swipe from my archives. Don't judge!

1. Vision:

This art is from The Baltimore Love Project. The Baltimore Love Project "expresses love by connecting people and communities across Baltimore City through love themed murals". What a beautiful vision!

2. Strong:

This one I had to raid my archives for, but when I read "strong" I immediately thought of military. I don't know this man, but he's a cutie!

3. Buttons:

So last winter the button popped off my favorite pair of jeans. I had no idea how to put a denim button (they don't have holes) back on so the jeans so I went out a bought a regular button with holes. It had to be big enough not to slip through the original hole and this sparkly one was the winning button! It is so not my style at all. Unfortunately, sewing a button on jeans was low on my priority list, so the jeans and button sat sadly in my closet for almost a full year. This past week, I missed my jeans and finally sewed the button on. Good thing I only wear longer shirts because this button is ridiculous.

4. Map:

Not my favorite picture. :(

5. Favorite Fruit:

I mean, I know I can't eat it, but Apple is by FAR my favorite fruit...